word vomit.

time flies. it's passing by at the speed of light. grab every precious second of it and cling on for dear life. one year, two, three, four. changes. people slipping and sliding in and out of my life. i have one constant in this ever changing world. flaky friends who flit in and out. life is like a revolving door. it's never the same. even though it feels like it. different faces with different names. clothes, shoes, places, people, transport. i feel old, but i'm young. i drink like an alcoholic and never get a hangover. i don't listen but work out instructions for myself. i'm good with physical directions, but have no idea where i'm headed. the world makes me angry. i think i know best, but i probably don't. i like a bass line echoing around my rib cage, but i'm scared of going deaf. i want to leave, but sheffield has my heart. i want to love and be loved back. i'm sick of one way streets. i want more, but these invisible barriers are holding me back. say yes, not no. my head is a nice place to live, shame it's not up for sale. i think it's original, then read a book that's pretty much what i just wrote. i want to love myself, but i can't help the hatred. putting on a mask every day. make up. false confidence. talking like i'm so sure of myself. but i'm not. trying not to hate on first impressions, it's a waste of time. wanting to know people, but scared that i won't like them if i do. going to make it on my own, but far too dependant on them. dreaming of the day i can buy the macbook & designer handbag, but knowing it'll never happen. scared that in two/three years i'll still be non the wiser. don't shut me out of the loop, i want to bt in the centre of it. getting what i want, then changing my mind. it changes as much as the world revolves on it's axis. always.