Motion City Soundtrack, giving me the answers to everything since 2012.
I bought My Dinosaur Life when it first came out, and I'd not previously listened to them. But, I love this album and Gary has a shit ton of the older stuff on his iTunes, so I've heard plenty by them. This song in particular was one that bypassed me on the album. It came on Kerrang! on Friday after I'd cried for ages to my Mum about a number of things. Everything clicked. It has taken a couple of days for the tears to stop completely, but I feel like now I can do this.
Truth me told, my main fear about university finishing is the prospect of going home, back to my friends who aren't quite as supportive as my university friends. Then there's Gary and our relationship going on hiatus/possibly ending/being long distance and rarely seeing each other. I felt like I was going to lose everyone all at once. I've been at university for three years and by now I was supposed to know what I wanted to do in life, and last week I was freaking out. Gary wants to do everything, join the RAF, do something to do with climate change, meteorlogy and several other geographical things. Now, I kind of have an idea. I'm freaking out less and feeling more positive.
It isn't ideal and it might not be realistic, but I plan to do as much research and do whatever I can to get there. I remember being 16, saying I wanted to do this, then I changed my mind. And reading on a website that it is best not to have a direct degree in this has made me feel so much better about choosing to do creative writing. I feel like things might start slotting into place now. And I feel a lot less lost and useless. And y'know, if things come to an end, we had a good run. I will be upset, I'm not gonna lie, but I'm twenty. There's plenty of people to meet and things to do, places to see. For the first time in forever I feel like I have the world at my feet and it feels incredible.
Life's great epiphanies aside, this week is going to be stressful. I want to keep as busy as possible to keep from missing Gary. (Bitch is in Morocco till Saturday night). I haven't cried since Saturday afternoon though, and it's now Monday. It's going quite well! In a week from now, I get to see him again and have a cuddle and catch him up on all my complaints. Lecture tomorrow, then polishing up my dissertation (which is almost finished), Wednesday is workshopping and then going out with Ben and Tom for cheap pitchers, Thursday is a long ass workshop session at Muffin Break, Friday lecture and I probably need to do some tidying up, Saturday bugger all, probably printing and then Sunday is You Me At Six, Kids In Glass Houses and Mayday Parade (arghhhh). So plenty of things to keep me away from the dark corners of my over active mind.
